Self Esteem #76: I’m very confused, Tumblr. I started this self esteem challenge to prove to myself that I have positive qualities that I overlook during this time where I don’t have a clear direction.
But I feel like all these positive things keep getting canceled out because I keep messing up and hurting one of the people who has always been there for me. I’m having trouble determining whether or not I really did mess up and if I did, I might’ve given him enough reason to give up on me. I wouldn’t blame him in the slightest. But it would be really heartbreaking if he did.
I’m going to go talk to him tonight, I hope things can be fixed, but it could be the end of our friendship.
I’m proud that I’m going to talk to him, because I’m really scared of what he might say so I wanted to avoid seeing him, but things have to be brought out into the open so I’m going.
I’m afraid to say it because I think it makes me really vulnerable, but one of the reasons I decided to stay in California was to stay close to him. I think that might make me seem like an idiot, but that’s how much I care about him.
Sometimes I think about that quote from Forrest Gump: “I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.”
I don’t think I know what love is. But I don’t know what else would convince me to move across the country.
Afterwards: It went all right. We’re still friends, and that’s all we’re going to be. I think that’s fair. I wish he would want to be with me, but after everything that’s happened, I understand. Maybe someday, but I’m not going to hope for it.
I used to be really content with never finding somebody. I’m going to go back to that.
I’m glad we’re still friends :-)
This is beautiful. It gives me a little bit more hope that everyone can be with the person they love.
CS Lewis: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
The posters read:
At 4 years old, the abusers, one by one peed in my mouth and said, “Swallow it.”
At 16 years old, my foster brother’s friend said, “Don’t move. Don’t say anything.” then raped & sodomized me.
At 31 years old, my husband, after I said NO, said
“I don’t care”
and raped me.
Photographed in Buffalo, NY on October 25th.
Click here to learn more about Project Unbreakable. (trigger warning)
Heartbreaking. Her face says it all.
'I want to ask your advice, Mama. There was this boy I met in summer school. He said he might write but he never has. I want to know would it look forward if I sent him a Christmas card?'
'Forward? Nonsense! Send the card if you feel like it. I hate all those flirty-birty games that women make up. Life's too short. If you ever find a man you love, don't waste time hanging your head and simpering. Go right up to him and say, “I love you. How about getting married?” That is,' she added hastily with an aprehensive look at her daughter, 'when you're old enough to know your own mind.'"
My dear friend AJ performing his original song “And Sing”
"When I said that I love you, I meant that I love you forever,"