Forgot to post this, but this was about a month ago :-)

I had a great time with an old friend today. It felt like old times where we used to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and I think a lot of what made it good is that I’ve been busy and being busy gives me things to talk about and talking to my old friend made me remember good times and it made me happy that we were on the same page about a lot of things, mostly that we’re both so happy with various projects and goals that we each have. One being CrossFit! So I had a great evening with an old friend :-)

Self Esteem #76: I’m very confused, Tumblr. I started this self esteem challenge to prove to myself that I have positive qualities that I overlook during this time where I don’t have a clear direction.

But I feel like all these positive things keep getting canceled out because I keep messing up and hurting one of the people who has always been there for me. I’m having trouble determining whether or not I really did mess up and if I did, I might’ve given him enough reason to give up on me. I wouldn’t blame him in the slightest. But it would be really heartbreaking if he did. 

I’m going to go talk to him tonight, I hope things can be fixed, but it could be the end of our friendship. 

I’m proud that I’m going to talk to him, because I’m really scared of what he might say so I wanted to avoid seeing him, but things have to be brought out into the open so I’m going. 

I’m afraid to say it because I think it makes me really vulnerable, but one of the reasons I decided to stay in California was to stay close to him. I think that might make me seem like an idiot, but that’s how much I care about him. 

Sometimes I think about that quote from Forrest Gump: “I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.”

I don’t think I know what love is. But I don’t know what else would convince me to move across the country. 

Afterwards: It went all right. We’re still friends, and that’s all we’re going to be. I think that’s fair. I wish he would want to be with me, but after everything that’s happened, I understand. Maybe someday, but I’m not going to hope for it.

I used to be really content with never finding somebody. I’m going to go back to that.

I’m glad we’re still friends :-)

This is something I need to remind myself too. XD I like reading these!  

Aww, thank you! I’m glad, that’s really nice of you to say :3 Also, I enjoy your Tumblr a great deal :-D

sei-pazzo replied to your post: Self-Esteem #5
I want to contribute to positive things! It might sound dumb but even after such a long time, you’re still one of my favorite people. I’m glad we got back in touch. :D

Aww, a million thanks :-D You have no idea how much it means to me that we’re still such good friends after so much time apart :-D You’re crazy!

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I’ve challenged myself to write one positive thing about myself everyday for at least a year.

Self-Esteem #3: I’ve always shied away from talking about serious problems, but today I’m going to do my best to work things out with my best friend. I’m really scared but it’s really important, so I have to do it.

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